The Med School To Do List

So this is what it’s like to be a medical student.  It took a few months to settle in, but I’ve finally figured it out.

My To Do List has tapered down to:  eat, go to class, study, sleep, study, exercise occasionally, shower when I can, study again, check my email, get distracted and daydream, study, feel overwhelmed, study, find random things to distract me online, study, drink in excess on Friday night with other medical school students, have some fun on the weekend, study some more, whine about medical school, Facebook, study.  

You’ll note a distinct lack of the following: spend time with non-medical school friends, call home, keep track of my finances, clean my house, write my blog, follow the news, read, have non-medically related conversations, cook, etc. etc.

Hence, it’s been two months since my last blog post.  (Ignoring the October 4^th entry when I attempted yet immediately failed).  So I haven’t written about my incredible experiences in Haiti.  I didn’t write about surviving my second round of exams in October.  I failed to mention that I was elected by my classmates to be the First Year Representative to GAPSA, the Graduate And Professional Student Association.   I ignored the glorious Saturday in October of siding a house with Habitat for Humanity followed by Keg Kickball at the Fly followed by the silliness of the Date Auction (where I bought two of my guy friends and was sold to my ex-boyfriend).  I forgot to mention a fun day at the Angola Prison Rodeo.  I skipped over cramming for our last Biochemistry exam followed by raging all weekend at Voodoo Fest and celebrating Halloween on Frenchman St.  I didn’t write about spending a beautiful day riding horses, going on hikes, biking, and eating delicious Cajun food with my E5 lab partners at Ronnie’s farm in Alexandria.  And despite my greatest intentions, I’ll probably forget to write about learning of Eugene’s real identity (reminder: Eugene is our cadaver.  In a nut shell, he was an astonishing 92 years old when he died of “Squamousal Cell Carcinoma”, i.e. an unidentifiable type of cancer. )

But since we have three, yes THREE, exams in the next two weeks, I have to stop writing and go study.  Because until I finish these exams, “write a blog” and “be creative” aren’t on my To Do list.  

About that blog...

Monday, October 04, 2010

That’s as far as I got. I wrote the date.  Then I remembered I’m in medical school.

Step Three: Hit the Wall

I hit the wall.  Again.  I’ve been running headfirst into that wall quite regularly for the past six weeks.  Sometimes it sneaks up on me.  I’ll find myself gazing out the window or constantly checking my email hoping for something interesting to distract me.  Or I’ll wander around Itunes under the pretext of searching for the perfect study music.  But sometime my brain just flat out goes blank. It sounds like this, “-------------------------------------------------”.  And despite the fact that my eyes continue scanning the page appearing to be soaking in the information, the appropriately placed alphabet and punctuation jumble into nothing.  And I’ve hit the wall.

So the question always its: do you try to fight through the wall and force yourself to keep learning?  Or do you call Uncle and give yourself a break?  The problem is that we all know that those breaks usually end up full out surrenders and no more studying will take place that day.  And so you find yours truly.  Its 4:21 pm on a BEAUTIFUL fall Saturday in New Orleans.  Normal people are enjoying the outdoors and reveling in the first respite of the unbearable New Orleans summers.  My friends are at Audubon Park throwing a Frisbee.  Others are still recovering from their hangover from last night. But I’m at the same coffee shop I’ve been at since 9:30 this morning.  There’s still so much to learn, but I don’t think I’ve got the strength to break through this wall.  I’m calling it quits. 

And so it is.  My life as a med student.  Filled with Knowledge followed by Walls followed by Fun Times with friends.  I passed my first round of exams, so I’ll assume this order is working.  And I’m having tons of fun.

So should I go for a run to keep my body somewhat healthy?  Should I take a nap to prevent the inevitable exhaustion I know will come by midnight?  Should I go meet up with my friends at the park to relax?  All those options surely trump staying in this Godforsaken coffee shop.    

                      Ben hit the wall right along with me.  It's nice to know I'm not alone. 

Step Two: Fall in Love with Med School

You know those things that we’re supposed to do to be happy, healthy, productive people and yet we never seem to do them? Like eating well, exercising daily, reflecting on our lives, calling our grandparents, keeping track of our budgets, and remembering to appreciate every moment?  Alright, maybe that’s just me, but for some reason I just can’t seem to make all those things happen despite the obvious benefits they could bring to my life.  For example, this blog that I promised myself I’d write every week.  I haven’t written since our White Coat Ceremony over 3 weeks ago.  I’ve been having too much fun.  And yet so many blog-worthy moments have occurred but I haven’t taken the fifteen minutes needed to write them down.

A quick list of the Blog-Worthy moments: 

• Meeting and falling in love with the other 187 people in my class.  I’m honored to be a part of them.
• Meeting Eugene (but his friends call him Bubba), our cadaver.  Ronnie, one of my anatomy lab partners, created an entire life story for him.  Completely fictional of course.  But I think it helps to have a name and story for the man who generously gave us his body to teach us the ins and outs of human anatomy.  So we rejoice at the fact that Bubba has perfectly formed back and arm muscles because he spent his life fishing in the Gulf.  And we graciously acknowledge his moment of death when we recognize that most of his ribs are broken, implying that he probably died after intense CPR.  But his endearing gray hairs and soft, grandpa-like cheeks remind us that someday we’ll be dealing with live people, not dead bodies.  Eugene just gets to be our first patient.
• Trivia night on Tuesday night at The Bridge Lounge with half my classmates.  Followed by 8 am class and dissection of the spinal column with a bone saw.  Yummy.
• Partying like a rock star and absolutely falling in love with New Orleans all over again.
• Helping Jamie (my younger sister) move into the dorm I lived in Freshman year and watch her becoming a Tulane Green Wave.  I couldn’t be happier to go to Kick-Boxing class with her fist pumping right next to me. 
• Jumping on the opportunity to travel to Haiti for a 5 day medical mission trip next month.  Yes I’ll pay for it myself (with loan money of course).  And yes, I’ll miss 4 days of class.  And yes, some of my friends and classmates think I’m crazy.  But I can’t help but feel a bit like Paul Farmer.  And there are few experiences more exhilarating than feeling like your hero. 
• My consistently strange dreams about cruise ships with strange disease outbreak, flirting with classmates, or like last night, my academic adviser telling me I should write my blog...hmmmm.

Anyway, I digress.  I sit here in the Matas Library at the Tulane School of Medicine surrounded by my notes, a box of colored pencils in desperate need of sharpening, my thermos of now-cold coffee, and beautiful people all hoping to cram an infinite amount of information into our already saturated, sleepy brains.  And with our first test in T minus 9 days, I can’t help but smile when I think about how happy I am.  I love my life. 

So all those things I’m “supposed” to be doing to be happy, healthy, and productive…I’ll get to them eventually.  Because I’m pretty dang happy.  And relatively healthy.  And I’ll consider myself productive as long as I pass my first Gross Anatomy and Embryology exam.  

Step One: Get White Coat

My 187 new classmates and I walked across the stage today donning our recently awarded white coats and deer in the headlights eyes.  Moments later we returned to our seats as recognized and eagerly anticipated new members of the medical community. 

I’ve anticipated Tulane’s White Coat Ceremony the way a young child anticipates their birthday.  Will I feel different once they slip that coat over my shoulders?  Will the depth of the symbolism of that coat weigh upon my heart? Will I suddenly seize the responsibility that comes with the honor of being welcomed into the medical field?

And yet, just like those childhood birthdays, I didn’t feel much different once I returned to my seat…other than the fact that I immediately began sweating in the polyester.  But life experience has taught me that it’s not about instantly feeling a year older or fully appreciating these precious moments as they unfold.  I look over and see my white coat proudly hanging on the back of my door.  My stethoscope lays on my bed, ready for years of service in my increasingly steady hands.  These two symbols of my entrance to the medical field will slowly reveal to me the beauties, pains, and realities of the life of a physician.  And just like those childhood birthdays, I pretty much feel the same as I did when I rolled out of bed this morning.  But deep down, I know something is different.

After years of imagination, anticipation, and caffination, I’m really a medical student.  I find myself smiling with gratitude as I think back to the eleven year old me telling everyone I could, “When I grow up, I’m going to be a pediatric orthopedic surgeon”.  And while I no longer dream of being an surgeon, I’m still amazed at the fact that I’m here, now.  A medical student.  Only four years, thousands of dollars of loans, countless hours of studying, and from the looks of it, a bit of fun in New Orleans keep me from reaching my final dream of becoming Dr. Kayla Bronder.